the Shadowlands of Life

It's off in the distance hurtling towards us at great speeds. We often do not know it's there because we fail to look, we turn away, or it's moved so face we never saw it coming.
That is the shadowlands...mine seems to be hurtling at me lately with such great speeds I see it now, and pray I have enough time to brace for impact.

A woman who gave me faith when I never wanted to talk about God aloud is now diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I cringed when I heard because I know people do not survive. Many of you might know the Last Lecture guy succumbed to the demise of this disease as well as Steve Jobs. This time is no different, it will be a painful goodbye that has come too soon for someone I've loved so much.

A friend's sister died a little over a month ago. I helped this friend then pack up the house, and all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything will eventually be alright, even if she can't see it now. But I sipped a beer and continued packing instead,

I worked the L and D unit at my hospital to find out a patient had been admitted for "fetal demise", and the baby was still in her. The heartache I felt was unbearable, and even though I never met this woman my heart broke for her. To bring life forth out of love, to grow it inside, to feel the child kick and move and develop a personality with likes and dislikes...to wake up one morning and stop feeling the child move. The panic of knowing something is wrong, and it's too late. The heartbreak that ensues afterwards must be unbearable.

And then to this, someone I just came out of training with. This man who was so joyful and ready to serve his country, and someone else ended that for him.

And then there's of course the Newtown shooting tucked away in the mists of all this that goes on in my own life. Kids images flashed onto a screen while I eat lunch, andI just can't imagine being a parent to one of them. To see all your hopes and dreams ended because of a lost soul.

Through all this I know how resilient the human spirit is. How we long for hope, joy, and passion. How the soul longs for Christ even if it doesn't know that's what it's longing for. And how much love there is to give and receive. We must fight this pain and heartache with love. You can't get the resurrection without the crucifixion and silly us if we think we are better than Christ that we do not deserve suffering. Rather, it is in suffering that we find our meaning and purpose to loving.

"Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."-CS Lewis

So I close this thought with music. Kiss it Better by He is We.

And she cried,

Kiss it all better,

I’m not ready to go.

It’s not your fault love,

you didn’t know, you didn’t know.

Now he sits behind prison bars,

25 to life and shes not in his arms.

He couldn’t bring her back with a bullet to the heart,

Of the back of a man and tore his world apart.

seeking revenge isn't the answer, the only person who can kiss it better is the Giver of Life.

The Shadowlands

Watching a movie about CS Lewis called Shadowlands. The following conversation ensues among his friends: 

"What I resent about Christmas is this general presumption of good will, I feel no good will towards my fellow man only idiot will" 

"nothing about how you feel, feelings are far too unreliable"
"and what has it got to do with?"
"God becomes man...simple as that"

"Then God MUST be bonkers. Who would choose voluntarily to be human? Almost satisfactory to stay divine"

"Well than think of Christmas in terms of magic. The birth of a helpless squealing creature who happens to be God in an omnipotent baby. Doesn't that satisfy your taste for the peculiar? The coming of new life in the heart of winter when everything seems to be dead. The snow falls and the trees bear fruit...that's real magic"

I thought this was a nice thought provoking little ditty on Christmas given in a very funny way. Especially when all seems to be dead we must remember that God came to be divine for us.

And again later when talking about marrying joy for citizenship:

"I've decided to marry Joy"

"No jack, you astound me"
"Don't worry Warren, nothings going to change I'm not really going to marry her. What I happen to do is to extend my British citizenship to her and her boys so that she can go on living in England"
"by marrying her"
"Only technically. A true marriage is a declaration before God, not before some government official. This will be a bureaucratic formality, nothing more. We will all go on living exactly as before"

Shadowlands is an account of CS Lewis as he falls in love with his wife Joy. Their marriage is short lived, and this PBS special takes no shortcuts in examining the pain that comes with the death of a loved one. It depicts the sanctity of marriage is a hauntingly beautiful way, remind us that all of life passes away and heaven is which we should cling.