The anti-climatic post

So I've been here for a little over a month. I must say, I had this idea of grandeur in my head of what military nursing would be like, and it's been well...anti-climatic.

I had these ideas of blown limbs, crush injuries, you know gory gory stuff...and most of all, souls begging to be healed. I thought it would be something like this:

Although I'm not a priest, but you get the idea. Healing and bringing souls to Christ in their most desperate situations.

What I've found it to be is a whole lot of paperwork, training, and computer modules (all of these being very lame in my human head). What I thought was going to be an adventure has turned into ordinary and mundane tasks. The souls I work with are not even interested in Christ or healing...but rather getting through another day. Nothing "exciting" seems to be going on.

But in spite of it all, I feel very spiritually at peace. There's more silence, and life seems to be moving at a slower pace than I expected it to, and it's kind of nice. It's like God breathing soft love into my heart as he presses pause on the world. He's taking my anxiety and fears so that I may truly trust. Maybe I don't do the best job of just relaxing, but it's become a start.But I pray that when the time comes for me to walk to the broken and bloody person thrown from their vehicle, I may be the hands and feet that offer them the consolations of heaven.

So I'm waiting to see how exactly all these things will shape me into the person Christ is asking me to be. How will I fit into His plan, how will I get into heaven? How are these ordinary mundane tasks and checklists going to get me to heaven? How do you get people to start living their lives to their fullest potential and not merely getting by passively?

On a bright note my post finally has a priest after a 3-month absence. I guess I can leave the soul healing to him and finish my paperwork.

And for those looking for good music here's my suggestion:
http://www.mariemiller.net/
We're never alone!

The Immaculate Conception

of our Blessed Mother...
...That is what today's feast is. I go back and forth on Mary. I understand why to revere her, but I'm not sure if I do revere her. Today I finally had the epiphany of why.

You see Mary and Eve are pretty much the same person, just doppelgangers of sorts. Both were borne out of God's love, and their souls were stainless. Neither had original sin. Both had a choice to make that would affect the whole world.

Eve's choice is the reason we humans struggle in our humanity. Why we can never seem to do anything right. Why we are so entrapped in our culture and believe the lies of Satan. It's why, try as we might, holiness seems so out of reach, and saints are just awesome people we'll never be.

Now Mary's choice was the antithesis of Eve's choice. While Eve brought sin into the world, Mary's choice was the one that took it out. She presents the feminine way of loving the world, and how to live out the graces of perpetual baptism.

Both the choices of these women were made without original sin. But we see how one condemns while the other redeems.

This is why, as a female, it is important to emulate Mary. She is the reason we can have hope. She brought to us holy humanity with which we can find our path to holiness. She brings us to her son: "Do whatever he tells you". She outright says how we can be holy "Fiat mihi secundum Verbum Tuum-Be it done unto me according to thy word".

So the difference between these two sinless women is their choice.

Their CHOICE

We make choices everyday, but the choice we need to make is the FIAT. When you realize the gravity of choice, you realize the power God has endowed you with...free will. So as you make your choice, remember Mary's...FIAT

More on True Leadership?

Mark 12:41-44

Jesus sat down opposite the treasury

and observed how the crowd put money into the treasury.

Many rich people put in large sums.

A poor widow also came and put in two small coins worth a few cents.

Calling his disciples to himself, he said to them,

"Amen, I say to you, this poor widow put in more

than all the other contributors to the treasury.

For they have all contributed from their surplus wealth,

but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had,

her whole livelihood.

What is true religion and devotion to God? Jesus warns his disciples against the wrong kind of religion. In his denunciation of the scribes (the religious experts of his day), he warns against three things: the desire for prominence rather than selfless service; the desire for deference and recognition (and seeking esteem from others) rather than seeking to promote the good of others through humble service and love; and thirdly, attempting to use one’s position (even a religious position) for self-gain and self-advancement. True religion is relating rightly to God and to one’s neighbor with love, honor, and respect. The Lord puts his Holy Spirit within us that we may be filled with the joy of his presence, the joy of true worship, and the joy of selfless giving and love for others. True reverence for God frees the heart to give liberally, both to God and to neighbor.-Don Schwager, dailyreadings.net

Although I've been out of nursing practice because of so much military training, this is what I desire so deeply. I want to give myself selflessly to my patients. I want to be their Christ on earth. I like this reflection on this reading because it's such a military reading. So many high ranking officers only use their rank for more prominence instead of the selfless service that is supposed to be instilled within their values. Time and time again we see people who fail to live up to their potential all because they failed to recognize their greatness does not come from them but from their Creator. They failed to recognize their neighbor that needs their leadership not their rank. They are a leader for others, not for self gain or money or pride.

"the formation does not exist for you, you exist for the formation"

"True reverence for God frees the heart to give liberally, both to God and to neighbor"

So free your heart!

the Answer I May Never Have

What is holiness?
How do I be holy in this life?
Does it exist this side of heaven?
I look into the eyes of Mother Theresa

Because to me, she's the epitome of what holiness is in this life. I look into her eyes, and I wonder how she did it.

Or JP2...oh how I love that man.

He was a shining example of how to love the Church, love the world in it's brokenness  and how to keep one's eyes heavenward. 

For me, these are the modern day saints that lived in my lifetime. They loved Jesus so deeply that nothing really stood in the way of it. Not war, not disease, not communism, not antisemitism, not Nazism, and not fear.

For the rest of us, fear drives what we do in situations. I recently was talking to a dear friend of mine who asked me if I ever felt guilty. Guilty about the blessings God has bestowed upon my life, and the profound responsibility that entails. It's quite the question to ponder...what do we do with God's blessings. How do we hand it on to the poor, the shouls who don't know God, or worst yet the souls who have stopped caring about life in general. 

I think being poor is such an easier path to holiness. It means truly relying on God for every single thing: food, clothing, and shelter. These are things I do not have to think about. I've moved into a plush apartment, I don't worry about where my next meal is coming from, nor do I worry about having clothes to keep me warm. The poor do not have this luxury, so how am I supposed to react to that. What are my responsibilities as a person who desperately wants to be holy. 

In the end, I know I could always be doing more, but I am just so apathetic most of the time. I let my earthly responsibilities take over my heavenly responsibilities. 

“Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering, and injustice when He could do something about it.”“Well, why don’t you ask Him?”“Because I’m afraid He would ask me the same question.”(Anonymous)

This is me, I've stopped asking questions because I know I am not doing anything. It's the question I don't have the answers to yet. Why do I have so many blessings? What am I supposed to do with them? Can I/will I be holy? What are my responsibilities to my Father?

Oh Lord make me an instrument...

That Thing About Choice

There is this crossroads in life, the two choices where you can be super holy and a saint… or you can be nominal.

I want to talk about the nominal, the part where most of us live. We live here because it’s easy and it’s fun. Being nominal does not mean a sinner headed straight for Hell, it is (in a sense) doing the very least amount possible. Not taking part in your own salvation, but rather relying on God’s mercy to carry you through. The nominal is the least amount of sacrifice to enjoy the greatest amount of pleasure. This is a gray area because it asks the question: just faith or faith and works.

The astounding factor is that God lets us choose. We choose if we want to take the road of actively seeking sanctity, or passively relying on God’s mercy. And this is a hard choice, sin is SO SHINY, it’s fun, and it’s a good distraction-especially the small ones that are “no big deal”. The majority of us are not getting visions of heaven or hell, so we cannot see the rewards or repercussions of our actions. Therefore nominal is ok to us because it’s not setting us on a straight path to either. We long for heaven, the home we cannot see, the place where our soul is fulfilled. But down here on earth where we are making choices daily that play a role in our sanctification.

Gaudium et Spes (Church in the Modern World) says:

The world of today reveals itself as at once powerful and weak, capable of achieving the best or the worst. There lies open before it progress or regression, brotherhood or hatred. In addition, man is becoming aware that it is for himself to give right direction to the forces that he has himself awakened. Forces that can be his master or his servant. He therefore puts himself to question.

So why not be nominal? Why actively seek out sanctity when you know it won’t come from you anyways? Because the world is open to us…we are all at once powerful and weak, seeking progress or regression. It is our choice as to what will happen. As we gain knowledge and power, will it become our master or our servant? We choose. Nominal is dangerous because it clings to nothing; neither the things of this world nor of the next, and you can get carried away in anything at that point.

As we’re choosing, we’re changing. This is in juxtaposition to Christ who is the same yesterday as He is today, as he will be tomorrow. We change, we are inconsistent…but He is not. That is why it is so important to cling to Him. He is that higher power helping us master our choices. We cling to the unchanging so that we are not caught in the current of the modern world’s ideals. 

one cannot without the other

The beautiful mystery of Christ is the incarnation (which I will not expound upon that too much in this post). Jesus Christ is the only person who is fully man and fully divine. He is the sign that Simeon calls a "contradiction" in the temple. Because he was man, he had to suffer as all men do.Part of the Paschal Mystery of salvation is the that Christ became incarnate into this world for suffering so that he might conquer death.

"The Resurrection can't happen without the Crucifixion." This is a question I ponder constantly when trying to discern just who Christ is. It is mind blowing to think that being a follower will not mean rainbows and sunshine but rather suffering and sin. I think this is something very hard for humans to think about, contemplate, and grasp.

I was trying to discuss this with colleagues who I am not really sure understood what I was alluding to.
As humans in today's world...we want instant gratification. Suffering (for any amount of time) is not on the agenda because of the fear within us (fear of inadequacy, death, etc etc), suffering is just plain inconvenient. However, Christ Himself suffered the greatest pain in the world. Being falsely blamed and then nailed to a cross. He suffered abandonment, deception, and death.

Are we better than Christ? No

This means we ourselves are called to suffer...each in our own way.

I am trying to reconcile that in my own head and heart right now. This is because I am thinking of it from a wounded warrior standpoint. How dare I tell a soldier...with full body burns, triple amputation,whatever it may be...that he is on the cross with Christ at that moment and that is the best view of the world. How do I tell him that with Christ, he is not alone in his suffering, and that through Christ he will heal. This is hard because not everybody wants to hear or accept how much Christ loves them and wants to heal them. Some people don't want to be healed. As a nurse, it is my duty to heal (spiritually or physically as much a s possible). How do I show them the joy of the Resurrection when they are in the darkest hour of the crucifixion?

I don't have the answer right now...I may not ever have it. I know when I said this at my training with other healthcare professionals, I became very unpopular for the rest of the training.

But if we don't tell our brothers and sisters in arms what their life is worth, then the war is just senseless violence. And who gives worth (especially in the midst of suffering), than the one who has suffered the most? The one who loved without limits so much that He died. He died so that WE might be eternal.

America was founded on these principles. To give thanks and glory and worship to the Creator. It is a duty to proclaim this to people, especially in their darkest hour. It gives them meaning and a reason for hope that their loss and suffering is not futile. It is Christ who gives meaning, and we are called to be the hands and feet and voice He uses. Suffering is in that process.

Humanae Vitae

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Reflection of todays gospel

What do childrens' games have to do with the kingdom
of God? Games are the favorite pastime of children who play until their
energy is spent. The more interaction the merrier the game. The children
in Jesus' parable react with disappointment because they cannot convince
others to join in their musical play. They complain that when they make
merry music such as played at weddings, no one dances or sings along; and
when they play mournful tunes for sad occassions such as funerals,
it is the same dead response. This refrain echoes the words of Ecclesiastes
3:4, there is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and
a time to dance. Both joyful and sad occassions such as the birth
of a child and the homecoming of a hero or the loss of a loved one and
the destruction of a community or nation demand a response. To show indifference,
lack of interest or support , or disdain, is unfitting and unkind.
Jesus' message of the kingdom of God is a proclamation of good news
that produces great joy and hope for those who will listen; but it is also
a warning of disaster for those who refuse to accept God's gracious offer.
Why did the message of John the Baptist and the message of Jesus meet with
resistance and deaf ears? It was out of jealously and spiritual blindness
that the scribes and Pharisees attributed John the Baptist's austerities
to the devil and they attributed Jesus' table fellowship as evidence for
messianic pretense. They succeeded in frustrating God's plan for their
lives because they had closed their hearts to the message of John
the Baptist and now they close their ears to Jesus.

What can make us spiritually dull and slow to hear God's voice? Like
the generation of Jesus' time, our age is marked by indifference and contempt,
especially in regards to the things of God's kingdom. Indifference dulls
our ears to God's voice and to the good news of the gospel. Only the humble
of heart who are hungry for God can find true joy and happiness. Do you
listen to God's word with expectant faith and the willingness to trust
and obey?

"Lord Jesus, open my ears to hear the good news of your kingdom and
set my heart free to love and serve you joyfully. May nothing keep me from
following you wholeheartedly."

This reflection is courtesy of Don Schwager (c) 2012, whose website is located at http://www.rc.net/wcc/readings

a word on servant leadership

In training today I had an incredible officer sum up the type of leader I pray to be:

"The formation does not exist for you...you exist for the formation"

He asked the room how we were preparing ourselves to be a servant leader. Soldier work in a unified manner, and as I leader I must become a part of that unity...working alongside as I lead from behind. I had never really thought about how the formation does not rest in whether I am there or not...but if the formation is not there that falls on my leadership (or rather my inabilities). It's about the soldiers in front of me...who they are as people, what their life story is. It's not necessarily about my leadership and how I can get ahead...but what can I do better to prepare the person in front of me to be a better citizen. How can I help them reach their full potential.

In the bible it even says:

"and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

~Matthew 20:27-28

and so I pray for the strength to ransom my life as well as I commit to being a servant leader and existing for the formation...

The first Mass

It's a Sunday...you can tell...the graces of a Sunday are so evident.

 Sundays are different because it is a time for the faithful gather and celebrate the resurrection of the Lord. It's a time to be with families (or remember them if they are not around), and to relax. Today was one of those days. Being in a new place is daunting, but something I look forward to is the church hopping. Yeah, I can't be at my "home" parish...but I am going to see that as an adventure.

Well...Christ took care of me today! I walked into this church and it was so familiar. The architecture resembled my home parish, and the oratory of the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia ( a place I often frequented). I laughed inside because OF COURSE I would happen to be closest to this church so I would choose it out of no thought. So OF COURSE it would be the one to most remind me of home as I transition into this new life. The Lord knows my heart.

Well the history of the church is that is was settled by the Germans. So was my home parish...and so was the architect that build the oratory for the Dominicans. The altar is high...drawing your vision heaven-ward. Where the tabernacle is placed is supposed to reflect a tomb...reminding one of what Jesus had to do for our salvation. Just look! altar

And the priest's homily...let me tell you. Super legit!!! Proclaiming the Eucharist as the body blood soul and divinity of Christ. Exclaiming to the parishioners how they need to embrace their Catholic identity, own it, and to not be afraid!

And this whole Sunday has been shrouded in peace...just like a Sunday should.

"Father, creator and ruler of heaven and earth, you made man in your likeness to subdue the earth and master it, and to recognize the work of your hands in created beauty. Grant that your children, thus surrounded on all sides by signs of your presence, may live continually in Christ, praising you through him and with him."
Psalm prayer

so far

so far it has been a roller coaster...

I have not updated here because I've been too busy living life. I have had a crazy, wonderful summer full of blessings. God has truly blessed me with time, something we too often forget the value of.

So what has happened? Before I left I felt like I had to hold it together for everyone. I felt like there were these unspoken expectations on me that I had to live up to. So I held everything in and shut out any doubt in my mind about what this new life was going to look like. People were saying goodbye a month in advance, and even as I drove away a month later... I was absolutely fine. It was when I had to drop my roommate (who rode with me all the way to training so I wouldn't have to do it alone) off at the airport-that was when I lost it all. All the emotion I had been suppressing  (and didn't know I was suppressing) just came out of me as she held me tightly and told me about all the amazing things I was going to do. And then she left too, and then I felt very alone.

And it's in those moments when you feel totally alone that you realize how much you need Christ. How much a higher power gives you a sense of purpose, and a feeling of fullness. How when you're separated from your family and friends who are like family...it's all going to be ok because Christ goes with you wherever He calls you.

I have now officially begun military training. This means early mornings and late nights...not exactly what I was acclimated to, but am slowly getting the groove. It's standing out in formations with blazing heat beating down on you. The upside is there is less yelling than I thought there was going to be.

As for the phase I'm in now it's been a lot of ups and downs. I will sometimes have a bitter attitude towards the town I am in and the military in general...and sometimes I have glimmers of hope with a feeling of peace. I guess it's like any big life changes, you take things as they come.

The good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away...but blessed be the name of the Lord!

Please pray as I take on this new challenge...pray I can take the ups as well as the downs and be transformed into newer and truer charity...that is what I hope to take as I am training for these next few months.

holiness of the day

There is something holy, something divine, hidden in the most ordinary situations, and it is up to each one of you to discover it. Our ordinary everyday life can be a path to holiness. Heaven and earth seem to merge, my children, on the horizon. But where they really meet is in your hearts, when you sanctify your everyday lives.

~St. Josemaria Escriva




This is a quote from the famous founder of Opus Dei. It reminds me of the hope in Jesus that holiness is within reach of my everyday life. I do not have to live outside of who I am, who God has created me to be, but rather to fully live out my calling in life.

Every day I get up in the morning not knowing what to expect out of the day or out of myself. I know that in some way, big or small, I will fail, I am human. But Christ came so that I may have life and have it to the fullest. Created from Love we too are called to Love with that same passion of Christ…EVERYDAY. Holiness is a 24/7, 365 day duty, and it is a duty we must fulfill with our whole hearts…it takes all of us. We have to be seized by this Love from which we were created, bear it on our hearts for others to see and know. Where does our joy for life come from if not rooted and sprung from this Love?

Ethics and the internet

What I love about where I am is the music I get to enjoy. There are so many talented artists in this area, and I get to enjoy their music live...it's awesome. What is sad is that this article discusses the root of why some of these artists will never make it big.

Recently Emily White, an intern at NPR All Songs Considered and GM of what appears to be her college radio station, wrote a post on the NPR blog in which she acknowledged that while she had 11,000 songs in her music library, she’s only paid for 15 CDs in her life. Our intention is not to embarrass or shame her. We believe young people like Emily White who are fully engaged in the music scene are the artist’s biggest allies. We also believe–for reasons we’ll get into–that she has been been badly misinformed by the Free Culture movement. We only ask the opportunity to present a countervailing viewpoint.


Emily:


My intention here is not to shame you or embarrass you. I believe you are already on the side of musicians and artists and you are just grappling with how to do the right thing. I applaud your courage in admitting you do not pay for music, and that you do not want to but you are grappling with the moral implications. I just think that you have been presented with some false choices by what sounds a lot like what we hear from the “Free Culture” adherents.


I must disagree with the underlying premise of what you have written. Fairly compensating musicians is not a problem that is up to governments and large corporations to solve. It is not up to them to make it “convenient” so you don’t behave unethically. (Besides–is it really that inconvenient to download a song from iTunes into your iPhone? Is it that hard to type in your password? I think millions would disagree.)


Rather, fairness for musicians is a problem that requires each of us to individually look at our own actions, values and choices and try to anticipate the consequences of our choices. I would suggest to you that, like so many other policies in our society, it is up to us individually to put pressure on our governments and private corporations to act ethically and fairly when it comes to artists rights. Not the other way around. We cannot wait for these entities to act in the myriad little transactions that make up an ethical life. I’d suggest to you that, as a 21-year old adult who wants to work in the music business, it is especially important for you to come to grips with these very personal ethical issues.


I’ve been teaching college students about the economics of the music business at the University of Georgia for the last two years. Unfortunately for artists, most of them share your attitude about purchasing music. There is a disconnect between their personal behavior and a greater social injustice that is occurring. You seem to have internalized that ripping 11,000 tracks in your iPod compared to your purchase of 15 CDs in your lifetime feels pretty disproportionate. You also seem to recognize that you are not just ripping off the record labels but you are directly ripping off the artist and songwriters whose music you “don’t buy”. It doesn’t really matter that you didn’t take these tracks from a file-sharing site. That may seem like a neat dodge, but I’d suggest to you that from the artist’s point of view, it’s kind of irrelevant.


Now, my students typically justify their own disproportionate choices in one of two ways. I’m not trying to set up a “strawman”, but I do have a lot of anecdotal experience with this.


“It’s OK not to pay for music because record companies rip off artists and do not pay artists anything.” In the vast majority of cases, this is not true. There have been some highly publicized abuses by record labels. But most record contracts specify royalties and advances to artists. Advances are important to understand–a prepayment of unearned royalties. Not a debt, more like a bet. The artist only has to “repay” (or “recoup”) the advance from record sales. If there are no or insufficient record sales, the advance is written off by the record company. So it’s false to say that record companies don’t pay artists. Most of the time they not only pay artists, but they make bets on artists. And it should go without saying that the bets will get smaller and fewer the more unrecouped advances are paid by labels.


Secondly, by law the record label must pay songwriters (who may also be artists) something called a “mechanical royalty” for sales of CDs or downloads of the song. This is paid regardless of whether a record is recouped or not. The rate is predetermined, and the license is compulsory. Meaning that the file sharing sites could get the same license if they wanted to, at least for the songs. They don’t. They don’t wanna pay artists.


Also, you must consider the fact that the vast majority of artists are releasing albums independently and there is not a “real” record company. Usually just an imprint owned by the artist. In the vast majority of cases you are taking money directly from the artist. How does one know which labels are artist owned? It’s not always clear. But even in the case of corporate record labels, shouldn’t they be rewarded for the bets they make that provides you with recordings you enjoy? It’s not like the money goes into a giant bonfire in the middle of the woods while satanic priests conduct black masses and animal sacrifices. Usually some of that money flows back to artists, engineers and people like you who graduate from college and get jobs in the industry. And record labels also give your college radio stations all those CDs you play.


Artists can make money on the road (or its variant “Artists are rich”). The average income of a musician that files taxes is something like 35k a year w/o benefits. The vast majority of artists do not make significant money on the road. Until recently, most touring activity was a money losing operation. The idea was the artists would make up the loss through recorded music sales. This has been reversed by the financial logic of file-sharing and streaming. You now tour to support making albums if you are very, very lucky. Otherwise, you pay for making albums out of your own pocket. Only the very top tier of musicians make ANY money on the road. And only the 1% of the 1% makes significant money on the road. (For now.)


Over the last 12 years I’ve watched revenue flowing to artists collapse.


Recorded music revenue is down 64% since 1999.


Per capita spending on music is 47% lower than it was in 1973!!


The number of professional musicians has fallen 25% since 2000.


Of the 75,000 albums released in 2010 only 2,000 sold more than 5,000 copies. Only 1,000 sold more than 10,000 copies. Without going into details, 10,000 albums is about the point where independent artists begin to go into the black on professional album production, marketing and promotion.
On a personal level, I have witnessed the impoverishment of many critically acclaimed but marginally commercial artists. In particular, two dear friends: Mark Linkous (Sparklehorse) and Vic Chestnutt. Both of these artists, despite growing global popularity, saw their incomes collapse in the last decade. There is no other explanation except for the fact that “fans” made the unethical choice to take their music without compensating these artists.


Shortly before Christmas 2009, Vic took his life. He was my neighbor, and I was there as they put him in the ambulance. On March 6th, 2010, Mark Linkous shot himself in the heart. Anybody who knew either of these musicians will tell you that the pair suffered from addiction and depression. They will also tell you their situation was worsened by their financial situation. Vic was deeply in debt to hospitals and, at the time, was publicly complaining about losing his home. Mark was living in abject squalor in his remote studio in the Smokey Mountains without adequate access to the mental health care he so desperately needed.


I present these two stories to you not because I’m pointing fingers or want to shame you. I just want to illustrate that “small” personal decisions have very real consequences, particularly when millions of people make the decision not to compensate artists they supposedly “love”. And it is up to us individually to examine the consequences of our actions. It is not up to governments or corporations to make us choose to behave ethically. We have to do that ourselves.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Now, having said all that, I also deeply empathize with your generation. You have grown up in a time when technological and commercial interests are attempting to change our principles and morality. Rather than using our morality and principles to guide us through technological change, there are those asking us to change our morality and principles to fit the technological change–if a machine can do something, it ought to be done. Although it is the premise of every “machines gone wild” story since Jules Verne or Fritz Lang, this is exactly backwards. Sadly, I see the effects of this thinking with many of my students.


These technological and commercial interests have largely exerted this pressure through the Free Culture movement, which is funded by a handful of large tech corporations and their foundations in the US, Canada, Europe and other countries.* Your letter clearly shows that you sense that something is deeply wrong, but you don’t put your finger on it. I want to commend you for doing this. I also want to enlist you in the fight to correct this outrage. Let me try to to show you exactly what is wrong. What it is you can’t put your finger on.


The fundamental shift in principals and morality is about who gets to control and exploit the work of an artist. The accepted norm for hudreds of years of western civilization is the artist exclusively has the right to exploit and control his/her work for a period of time. (Since the works that are are almost invariably the subject of these discussions are popular culture of one type or another, the duration of the copyright term is pretty much irrelevant for an ethical discussion.) By allowing the artist to treat his/her work as actual property, the artist can decide how to monetize his or her work. This system has worked very well for fans and artists. Now we are being asked to undo this not because we think this is a bad or unfair way to compensate artists but simply because it is technologically possible for corporations or individuals to exploit artists work without their permission on a massive scale and globally. We are being asked to continue to let these companies violate the law without being punished or prosecuted. We are being asked to change our morality and principals to match what I think are immoral and unethical business models.


Who are these companies? They are sites like The Pirate Bay, or Kim Dotcom and Megaupload. They are “legitimate” companies like Google that serve ads to these sites through AdChoices and Doubleclick. They are companies like Grooveshark that operate streaming sites without permission from artists and over the objections of the artist, much less payment of royalties lawfully set by the artist. They are the venture capitalists that raise money for these sites. They are the hardware makers that sell racks of servers to these companies. And so on and so on.


What the corporate backed Free Culture movement is asking us to do is analogous to changing our morality and principles to allow the equivalent of looting. Say there is a neighborhood in your local big city. Let’s call it The ‘Net. In this neighborhood there are record stores. Because of some antiquated laws, The ‘Net was never assigned a police force. So in this neighborhood people simply loot all the products from the shelves of the record store. People know it’s wrong, but they do it because they know they will rarely be punished for doing so. What the commercial Free Culture movement (see the “hybrid economy”) is saying is that instead of putting a police force in this neighborhood we should simply change our values and morality to accept this behavior. We should change our morality and ethics to accept looting because it is simply possible to get away with it. And nothing says freedom like getting away with it, right?


But it’s worse than that. It turns out that Verizon, AT&T, Charter etc etc are charging a toll to get into this neighborhood to get the free stuff. Further, companies like Google are selling maps (search results) that tell you where the stuff is that you want to loot. Companies like Megavideo are charging for a high speed looting service (premium accounts for faster downloads). Google is also selling ads in this neighborhood and sharing the revenue with everyone except the people who make the stuff being looted. Further, in order to loot you need to have a $1,000 dollar laptop, a $500 dollar iPhone or $400 Samsumg tablet. It turns out the supposedly “free” stuff really isn’t free. In fact it’s an expensive way to get “free” music. (Like most claimed “disruptive innovations”it turns out expensive subsidies exist elsewhere.) Companies are actually making money from this looting activity. These companies only make money if you change your principles and morality! And none of that money goes to the artists!


And believe it or not this is where the problem with Spotify starts. The internet is full of stories from artists detailing just how little they receive from Spotify. I shan’t repeat them here. They are epic. Spotify does not exist in a vacuum. The reason they can get away with paying so little to artists is because the alternative is The ‘Net where people have already purchased all the gear they need to loot those songs for free. Now while something like Spotify may be a solution for how to compensate artists fairly in the future, it is not a fair system now. As long as the consumer makes the unethical choice to support the looters, Spotify will not have to compensate artists fairly. There is simply no market pressure. Yet Spotify’s CEO is the 10th richest man in the UK music industry ahead of all but one artist on his service.


++++++++++++++++++


So let’s go back and look at what it would have cost you to ethically and legally support the artists.


And I’m gonna give you a break. I’m not gonna even factor in the record company share. Let’s just pretend for your sake the record company isnt simply the artists imprint and all record labels are evil and don’t deserve any money. Let’s just make the calculation based on exactly what the artist should make. First, the mechanical royalty to the songwriters. This is generally the artist. The royalty that is supposed to be paid by law is 9.1 cents a song for every download or copy. So that is $1,001 for all 11,000 of your songs. Now let’s suppose the artist has an average 15% royalty rate. This is calculated at wholesale value. Trust me, but this comes to 10.35 cents a song or $1,138.50. So to ethically and morally “get right” with the artists you would need to pay $2,139.50.


As a college student I’m sure this seems like a staggering sum of money. And in a way, it is. At least until you consider that you probably accumulated all these songs over a period of 10 years (5th grade). Sot that’s $17.82 dollars a month. Considering you are in your prime music buying years, you admit your life is “music centric” and you are a DJ, that $18 dollars a month sounds like a bargain. Certainly much much less than what I spent each month on music during the 4 years I was a college radio DJ.


Let’s look at other things you (or your parents) might pay for each month and compare.


Smart phone with data plan: $40-100 a month.


High speed internet access: $30-60 dollars a month. Wait, but you use the university network? Well, buried in your student fees or tuition you are being charged a fee on the upper end of that scale.


Tuition at American University, Washington DC (excluding fees, room and board and books): $2,086 a month.


Car insurance or Metro card? $100 a month?


Or simply look at the value of the web appliances you use to enjoy music:


$2,139.50 = 1 smart phone + 1 full size ipod + 1 macbook.


Why do you pay real money for this other stuff but not music?


++++++++++++++++++++++++++


The existential questions that your generation gets to answer are these:


Why do we value the network and hardware that delivers music but not the music itself?


Why are we willing to pay for computers, iPods, smartphones, data plans, and high speed internet access but not the music itself?


Why do we gladly give our money to some of the largest richest corporations in the world but not the companies and individuals who create and sell music?


This is a bit of hyperbole to emphasize the point. But it’s as if:


Networks: Giant mega corporations. Cool! have some money!


Hardware: Giant mega corporations. Cool! have some money!


Artists: 99.9 % lower middle class. Screw you, you greedy bastards!


Congratulations, your generation is the first generation in history to rebel by unsticking it to the man and instead sticking it to the weirdo freak musicians!


I am genuinely stunned by this. Since you appear to love first generation Indie Rock, and as a founding member of a first generation Indie Rock band I am now legally obligated to issue this order: kids, lawn, vacate.


You are doing it wrong.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Emily, I know you are not exactly saying what I’ve illustrated above. You’ve unfortunately stumbled into the middle of a giant philosophical fight between artists and powerful commercial interests. To your benefit, it is clear you are trying to answer those existential questions posed to your generation. And in your heart, you grasp the contradiction. But I have to take issue with the following statement:


As I’ve grown up, I’ve come to realize the gravity of what file-sharing means to the musicians I love. I can’t support them with concert tickets and t-shirts alone. But I honestly don’t think my peers and I will ever pay for albums. I do think we will pay for convenience.


I’m sorry, but what is inconvenient about iTunes and, say, iTunes match (that let’s you stream all your music to all your devices) aside from having to pay? Same with Pandora premium, MOG and a host of other legitimate services. I can’t imagine that any other legal music service that is gonna be simpler than these to use. Isn’t convenience already here!


Ultimately there are three “inconvenient” things that MUST happen for any legal service:


1.create an account and provide a payment method (once)


2.enter your password.


3. Pay for music.


So what you are really saying is that you won’t do these three things. This is too inconvenient. And I would guess that the most inconvenient part is….step 3.


That’s fine. But then you must live with the moral and ethical choice that you are making to not pay artists. And artists won’t be paid. And it won’t be the fault of some far away evil corporation. You “and your peers” ultimately bear this responsibility.


You may also find that this ultimately hinders your hopes of finding a job in the music industry. Unless you’re planning on working for free. Or unless you think Google is in the music industry–which it is not.


I also find this all this sort of sad. Many in your generation are willing to pay a little extra to buy “fair trade” coffee that insures the workers that harvested the coffee were paid fairly. Many in your generation will pay a little more to buy clothing and shoes from manufacturers that certify they don’t use sweatshops. Many in your generation pressured Apple to examine working conditions at Foxconn in China. Your generation is largely responsible for the recent cultural changes that has given more equality to same sex couples. On nearly every count your generation is much more ethical and fair than my generation. Except for one thing. Artist rights.


+++++++++++++++++++++


At the start of this I did say that I hoped to convert you to actively helping musicians and artists. That ultimately someone like you, someone so passionately involved in music is the best ally that musicians could have. Let me humbly suggest a few things:


First, you could legally buy music from artists. The best way to insure the money goes to artists? Buy it directly from their website or at their live shows. But if you can’t do that, there is a wide range of services and sites that will allow you to do this conveniently. Encourage your “peers” to also do this.


Second, actively “call out” those that profit by exploiting artists without compensation. File sharing sites are supported by corporate web advertising. Call corporations out by giving specific examples. For instance, say your favorite artist is Yo La Tengo. If you search at Google “free mp3 download Yo La Tengo” you will come up with various sites that offer illegal downloads of Yo La Tengo songs. I clicked on a link to the site www.beemp3.com where I found You La Tengo’s entire masterpiece album I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass. 


I also found an ad for Geico Insurance which appeared to have been serviced to the site by “Ads by Google”. You won’t get any response by writing a file sharing site. They already know what they are doing is wrong. However Geico might be interested in this. And technically, Google’s policy is to not support piracy sites, however it seems to be rarely enforced. The best way to write any large corporation is to search for the “investor’s relations” page. For some reason there is always a human being on the other end of that contact form. You could also write your Congressman and Senator and suggest they come up with some way to divert the flow of advertising money back to the artists.


And on that matter of the $2,139.50 you owe to artists? Why not donate something to a charity that helps artists. Consider this your penance. In fact I’ll make a deal with you. For every dollar you personally donate I’ll match it up to the $500. Here are some suggestions.


Sweet Relief. This organization helps musicians with medical costs. Vic Chestnutt, who I mentioned earlier, was helped by this organization. I contributed a track to the Album Sweet Relief II:Gravity of the situation. www.sweetrelief.org


Music Cares. You can also donate to this charity run by the NARAS (the Grammys).http://www.grammy.org/musicares/donate


American Heart Association Memorial Donation. Or since you loved Big Star and Alex Chilton, why not make a donation to The American Heart Association in Alex Chilton’s name? (Alex died of a heart attack) https://donate.americanheart.org/ecommerce/donation/acknowledgement_info.jsp?campaignId&site=Heart&itemId=prod20007


I’m open to suggestions on this.


I sincerely wish you luck in your career in the music business and hope this has been enlightening in some small way.


David Lowery

the official end of an era

It's finally happened...I am a registered nurse.
After 5 years, many long hours studying, stress levels I never thought would come down...all of it culminated into an hour and 20 minutes with 75 questions. And now everything is over.
So what have I done?
I have tried to give back to the community that has supported me. I went to Mass, made 100 cupcakes for a little girl's birthday, and painted my roommate's table. In these last few days I hope to give back to the people who have helped form me, shape me, and have just generally loved on me these last few years. Without them I would be nowhere, and without the grace of God I would be nothing.
So here's to the people who helped me become who I am...I am so grateful for the time we shared, and I will always remember how much you helped me.
Thanks for being the Christ-like love in my life, allowing me to become fully who I am supposed to be. All my success is your success because without you, I would not be here.
ThAnK YoU will NEVER be enough!!!!

the end of an era

The things you think you hate are the things you'll miss the most, and nursing school is no different.
I will miss the late nights studying with friends at the local 24/7 cafe. Some of my best memories of that place are eating chocolate cake at 3 am, or sitting studying with a friend only to find a creeper smoking hookah staring at you two through the window, or the infamous point you hit at 4:30 where you swear you'll never pull an all-nighter...only to find yourself doing the same thing the very next week.
Whatever semester you are in will be the hardest semester. I remember thinking "wow, the classes can't get harder than this" or "I will never be busy like this" only to find out that YES! the classes do get harder and MAN if you thought you were stretched thin before...better wait.
My first semester I remember there was this hands on head to toe assessment that you have to perform to pass the class. I remember praying about it saying "Oh God, just help me get through this last hurdle of nursing school". You pass, you move on. Fast forward to the next semester which you could swear is the hardest semester and you pray "Oh God...please just help me past this semester...I don't think it could get much harder than this...please just let me pass". You see the head to toe assessment people in the hall, and they talk to you to tell you how nervous they are about their assessment, and you literally want to shake them because now the head to toe assessment is the silliest little thing ever. Then you get to the next semester and it's the hardest one...and thus is the vicious circle until you finish (though the last semester is only rough because you don't want to work).
And then there's this moment your last year when it clicks that nursing is so much bigger than the hospital. Nursing is meeting JC goal by using evidence based practice. And who is going to be the forefront of this research? nurses! Who is going to teach the public how to protect themselves from the mess of this world (disease, drugs, illness, etc etc) nurses! Who is with their patient day in and out as they recover in the hospital? nurses! Who is the one that notices the subtle changes that could mean life or death? nurses!
Nursing is so much more multi-versatile that I had expected...and grows each day. I remember some highlights being working with refugees as they tried to integrate into America, seeing the beginning of life in OB, teaching at every health fair or clinic the city had to offer, seeing patient after patient-some whole, some missing parts of their head. And you just love every minute of it because they are all revealing something about Christ. Each person is the image of God, and I would look at them and wonder what God would do to stretch my heart...how would He teach me today?
And this is nursing! There's something for everyone whether you want to "go green", or be all natural, or pharmaceutically driven, or deliver babies, see wounds, teach (kids, adults, elderly), or be an administrator. There's something for everyone because it's all about the care and keeping of human life. And who doesn't love life?

That middle place

where you look back for inspiration and look forward for motivation.

It's the place I am at. Looking back at all the people who've touched me, all the experiences that have shaped me. I see the inspiration from them all. A conglomerate of blessings I had no business taking part of, blessings of which I am so undeserving.

Then I look forward to this future, and I look for motivation. I take it moment by moment in trying to live in the present.

It's all been very anti-climatic, life of schooling and military training ended in a couple of ceremonies and BOOM! Time to actually act on my schooling and not just talk about it.

I am in a different place from many of my other graduates because I will not be looking for a job or worrying about my resume...I just have to be cool with the fact that I don't know yet where I will go (you see I have to be licensed first which means yet another exam given in a standardized way by a state...whew scary). 

So here's where trusting God with the present moment comes in. I do now know where I will go nor for how long. I do not know what I will be doing nor if I will need to do any extra training. And here comes my good friend Jeremiah to remind me "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

And the truth is...it's hard. When I look at the past, I want to live in it and not let go. When I look to the future, I get a little scared. How am I supposed to move on without my past? Where am I supposed to go? I know what a weak little soul I am, and oh how easily distracted I get. I see that God has placed me exactly with the proper people, in the proper time and place to have my soul completely flourish in His love. He knows me so well that He knew where to place me in the community I best fit, and it is the blessing of this community that I had no part in. This is what I do not know how to let go of, and I ask God why He would place me in such a beautiful place to have me let go of it. I want God to want my plans as desperately as I want them. But it's really the other way around when living the Gospels...you have to want God's plan as desperately as He wants you.

And so I am here in the middle looking at both the past and my future holding on to this: the present moment. Everything I have worked for has alas come to an end...or a new beginning I have yet to see. God knows the plans, I do not, and this is where I seek solace.

schematics of nursing school

just a few of my favorites from OB class...reminding me that learning can and should be fun!

yeah this is what's up

ordinary blessings

and sometimes...the most ordinary of blessings can occur in the most unexpected places...even in a foreign country. http://caitlininhondy.blogspot.com/2012/03/ordinary-people.html#comment-form as she serves God in such a unique way she is so full of joy for our Savior, it's simply beautiful.

announcing my place in the family of things...

Here I am again, in the blogosphere world, attempting to tell the world I exist.

I debated in my head whether I should start another one or not. Blogs can sometimes become selfish where a person drones on and on about the woes or triumphs of their life (which is what I did in my previous).

"and He said to me WRITE, for these words are faithful and true..."

~ Rev. 21:5

This time I begin (and hope to end) this journey through faith. I want to write words that are true...I seek Truth above all else...and so I write.

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

-Mary Oliver

So here I go, announcing my place in the family of things. I had a wise friends once tell me "I once wondered why God has decided to give me so much grace and so many beautiful experiences, and what that all means...then I realized, the Church is not me. The Church is much bigger than me, the Church is everyone. My experiences were not for me, they were not even about me, but they are for the people I will be ministering to. The grace is there for them, they all need grace and they need my experiences. This is why the Church is big, it's for everyone."

I realize I am in a unique position; I am a military nurse who is seeking the Truth you find when living the gospels. My experiences too are also important to share so that graces may be passed on. So here are my stories and experiences seen through the eyes of a military nurse. It is through these stories I pray for grace to flow and touch our lives so that we too might one day see each other in heaven through the graces we brought to each other though our experiences.

like a flower

Bloom where you are planted!!!