the Answer I May Never Have

What is holiness?
How do I be holy in this life?
Does it exist this side of heaven?
I look into the eyes of Mother Theresa

Because to me, she's the epitome of what holiness is in this life. I look into her eyes, and I wonder how she did it.

Or JP2...oh how I love that man.

He was a shining example of how to love the Church, love the world in it's brokenness  and how to keep one's eyes heavenward. 

For me, these are the modern day saints that lived in my lifetime. They loved Jesus so deeply that nothing really stood in the way of it. Not war, not disease, not communism, not antisemitism, not Nazism, and not fear.

For the rest of us, fear drives what we do in situations. I recently was talking to a dear friend of mine who asked me if I ever felt guilty. Guilty about the blessings God has bestowed upon my life, and the profound responsibility that entails. It's quite the question to ponder...what do we do with God's blessings. How do we hand it on to the poor, the shouls who don't know God, or worst yet the souls who have stopped caring about life in general. 

I think being poor is such an easier path to holiness. It means truly relying on God for every single thing: food, clothing, and shelter. These are things I do not have to think about. I've moved into a plush apartment, I don't worry about where my next meal is coming from, nor do I worry about having clothes to keep me warm. The poor do not have this luxury, so how am I supposed to react to that. What are my responsibilities as a person who desperately wants to be holy. 

In the end, I know I could always be doing more, but I am just so apathetic most of the time. I let my earthly responsibilities take over my heavenly responsibilities. 

“Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering, and injustice when He could do something about it.”“Well, why don’t you ask Him?”“Because I’m afraid He would ask me the same question.”(Anonymous)

This is me, I've stopped asking questions because I know I am not doing anything. It's the question I don't have the answers to yet. Why do I have so many blessings? What am I supposed to do with them? Can I/will I be holy? What are my responsibilities to my Father?

Oh Lord make me an instrument...