I have a lot of friends struggling right now with the fact that they cannot hear God. They do not receive spiritual consolations in prayer, and they cannot make a choice with their life unless it brings them happiness.
I am not quite sure I see it from that perspective. I think a part of us will always be "homesick for heaven". Homesick for a home we know not of, but to which our deepest longings rest. I understand I will NEVER be truly happy in this life because it is not heaven. The joy that comes day to day is the hope that I will one day see God face to face. I will "immerse my gaze into my loving Father's", that is our hope, that is what we cling to, and that is what brings us the joy in this lifetime-looking forward to the next.
But there's something sticky here and that is choice. We make choices everyday: will we press the snooze button, what will we eat, how will we dress, what will our driving habits be like? On and on the choices in a day are endless. And each of them brings us closer or further to God...we make that choice. Will we choose to dress modestly so as not to bring any wandering eyes into sin (that is probs more of a struggle for girls), will we act with charity on the road and towards those we encounter throughout our day? Choice, the everyday ones, are what make us up as humans. They are where we let the Divine dwell.
I used to work with religious sisters...BEST JOB IN THE WORLD...some of my friends that have left the convent told me choice is the hardest thing sometimes. When they lived in the convent there's this thing called a "vow of obedience" with which they live. They didn't have to make choices someone made it for them. They knew they would eat breakfast, they didn't have to worry about what they're wearing, and they had so much grace to treat people with charity. It was a no-brainer to live in a convent.
But this life, this world is SO much more complicated. You see, we here in the real world deal with distractions. We get distracted from prayer so we lack grace. When we lack certain graces other things fall away like our ability to see the good and to treat people with charity. We get distracted by the media and society so much that our dress starts to look like that of the culture, possibly alluring others into sin. The music we listen to, how we will spend our money, the movies we watch, they all play a part in how our soul will form and conform to the world or to Christ.
It is in these choices that we choose heaven. Our spiritual consolations may not come because the soul is willing but the flesh isn't ready. Consolations are so emotionally driving, and faith is not found in emotions.
I say all this because I made a choice. I decided to take the road that leads me further into this world instead of the next. Where consolations may not come. I know I will be distracted, I will be making choices not just for my soul anymore but for (God willing) many other souls. And I am so scared.
But then it is Lent, and I look at Christ on the cross. He carried the WHOLE world...I think I can carry my portion in this life as I wait for the next. Knowing where my heart will truly be full, even if I don't always feel it. I write this so I remember this when the hard times come.
And you can carry your cross too...just make the choice to. For God is in the choices.
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